


Fake Happiness is the Worst Sadness

by Rose711



Series: Michael Guerin Week 2020 [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Fake Happiness, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Michael Guerin Week 2020, Pain, Progress is being made, References to Depression, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, mention of Forlex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26512411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose711/pseuds/Rose711
Summary: The one where Michael confides in Isobel about how he does not feel he is good enough.Written for Day 1 of Michael Guerin Week 2020: Favorite Dynamic
Relationships: Isabel Evans & Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Michael Guerin Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927657
Kudos: 71
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	Fake Happiness is the Worst Sadness

He picked at the double chocolate donut with rainbow sprinkles and thought about how he should make Isobel feel guilty more often if her apologies were always going to involve food. 

Last night they had been at the Wild Pony with Max and Kyle, a normal occurrence the past few months that he had actually come to enjoy. Alex and Forrest had joined them for a bit and Michael thought things went fine. He was pleasant as he always was, asked Forrest questions about the farm and his work, made plans with Alex to grab lunch later that week. But then Forrest made a joke about Isobel having apparently rolled her eyes. 

“You know what, this is ridiculous,” Isobel hissed as she slammed her hands on the table causing everyone to jump. Michael nearly got whiplash as he spun to face her, finding her already glaring at him. “What the hell are you doing, Michael?! How much longer do we have of this, because it's been months.”

Michael just stared at her with wide eyes, trying to find something to say only for his brain to come up blank. 

“Uhh, I think we’re going to go,” Alex mumbled as he and Forrest inconspicuously exited the table. 

After a few more seconds of silence, Michael looked to Max and Kyle, and Maria who had come over from the bar at the sound of raised voices, but none of them met his eyes. “What just happened?”

“I’m tired, Michael. We all are,” she murmured as she waved her hand around. “You’re being too damn happy.”

Michael erupted in laughter at that, however he soon noticed no one else joined him. He scanned his friends’ sullen faces and the realization hit. The jig was up. He had been good at faking it or so he thought. But perhaps he laughed a little too hard, a little too long, a little too loud. Perhaps he made his eyes a little too wide at Max’s stories and smiled a little too big when he spaced out and saw others doing the same.

“So what is this, an intervention?” Michael snarled, trying to get a reaction out of anyone and everyone.

“No!” Isobel said firmly as she reached for his hand before he pulled it away and stood up. He was already halfway to the door before she could yell his name. 

Bright and early the next morning Isobel had shown up on his doorstep with a dozen donuts and two large coffees from Bean Me Up; Michael knew she was expecting an invitation to stay but he was not going to give that to her. Instead he used his telekinesis to open the airstream door, take the box and coffee tray from her hands, place them on the counter and slam the door in her face, all without having to move an inch from where he had flopped on his bed the night before.

And he hadn’t moved all day except to go to the bathroom, eat donuts and drink coffee; he didn’t even lift his head when he yelled to Sanders that he was taking the day off. His wallowing was interrupted, however, with a knock on the door.

“Michael, please just let me in,” Isobel pleaded. Michael let his mind continue to wander through all the negative memories in his life while he listened to Isobel bang on the door for several minutes. 

“I’m letting myself in,” she warned him. He groaned and tried to hold the door shut with his mind, but he soon realized she was not going away and he was not about to hold it closed all night. 

“Just go away, Iz.”

“We’re going to talk.” Isobel strutted over to the small bed and playfully pushed Michael, but he just whined incoherently. He was not feeling up to deep introspective questions. 

“Michael.” He finally looked up, the concern evident in her voice and her eyes. Sighing, he moved toward the wall and sat up, allowing her to squeeze onto the unmade bed. She slid her arm around his shoulders and he instantly relaxed under the touch, bringing his head to her shoulder. 

He and Isobel had a special bond. Not like her and Max, but as the years went on they became closer and understood each other in ways others didn’t. She had confidence in him and she knew he could handle himself, but she always tried to protect him. He felt safe around her, which wasn’t a feeling he often had, and he felt loved. On the flip side, he was proud that she felt comfortable being open with him and knew he would never judge her. She was his confidant and he was hers. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” Isobel began calmly, rubbing circles on his back. “I shouldn’t have snapped. We’ve just been worried about you, I’ve been worried about you.”

“I know, and I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“No, don’t ever apologize for making me worried, I’m your sister, that is my job. It’s also my job to make sure you’re okay.”

Michael sighed and lifted his head off her shoulder, leaning against the wall. “I’m okay.” Even he didn’t believe himself, so he resigned himself to the truth: “I just thought everything would be easier, I thought I could choose to be happy and that would be that.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Isobel said softly as she pulled Michael in for a hug and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. 

He always heard people say that all you had to do was choose happiness and you would be happy. He’s learned recently that that is a damn lie. He wanted to be happy and hopeful. He wanted to enjoy life and have fun with his friends, including Alex. After open mic night at the Wild Pony he was able to for a while, but it became more and more difficult. He thought if he faked it enough it would become his reality. The sadness used to come and go, but now it just stayed. And he didn’t know how much longer he could do this.

Isobel always knew what he needed so they just leaned on each other for several minutes. Michael was grateful she was there and even more appreciative of the fact that she didn’t push him, especially when he was feeling vulnerable. 

His mind racing, he thought of what a therapist might tell him to do, and so he confided in Isobel. “I feel as if I can’t do anything right. I try, I think what I’m doing is right, and then it all falls apart and I don’t know how to fix it. Everything just turns to shit and I feel like the biggest loser.” Michael sniffles and disentangles himself from Isobel just a bit before continuing. “I’ve been trying to ‘improve myself’ but am I good enough for… anyone?”

“Michael, listen to me,” Isobel implores, grabbing his hand tight and trying to meet his eyes. “You are incredible, and I have seen you grow and become an even better man with each passing day. I am so proud of you for doing what’s best for you. And that’s the only person that matters – you. Don’t do anything for anyone else. Not even him.”

Michael looked at her and was going to feign confusion but the fight had left him. 

“You are right-“

“Of course I am!” Michael chuckled as Isobel grinned and playfully elbowed him. 

“I want to be better for me, but I also want to be who he deserves,” Michael whispered so quietly he hoped Isobel didn’t hear. 

“Have you talked to him, like really talked to him? Outside of group dinners where glasses across the room mysteriously shatter?” 

Michael nearly choked. “That only happened twice!”

“Four times,” Isobel answered quickly. “But who’s counting. So, have you talked to him? I didn’t forget the question,” she smirked

“I want to give him his space to explore and not be reminded of the past,” Michael admitted, a tinge of sadness to his voice. “When we hang out it’s great, but it’s hard to be his friend. We never really built that foundation and neither one of us really know where to start. I know what our future can be, but even if he and Forrest are just casual, I don’t want to cross any lines; he deserves happiness and not having to worry about if his jealous ex is going to do or say something stupid.”

“You have to be honest with each other, but you also have a lot to work through together,” Isobel pointed out. “Your lives are entwined and ignoring that is only going to continue to hurt you both.” Michael could do nothing but nod, he knew she was right. Even if they weren’t going to be together, they had so much shared history that needed to be unpacked.

“And with that, I’m outta here,” Isobel announced abruptly. 

“You can stay,” Michael said as Isobel got up and gave him a big hug that squeezed all the air out of him.

“I’ll let you be,” she smiled as she quickly rearranged things on the counter on the way to the door. “But, Michael? You will be fine, and when you’re not, I’m here. I love you.”

Warmth filled Michael’s heart. “Love you too, Iz.” He watched her bound down the tiny steps before falling back onto his bed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

“Hey.” Michael shot up, immediately using his telekinesis to bring a knife to his hand, arming himself against the intruder. 

“Jesus Christ, Alex, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” Michael exclaimed as he set the knife on the counter.

“Isobel said I could come right in,” Alex laughed. “She was just walking out when I got to your door.” Michael nodded,  _ so that was why she was in a rush to leave. _

“So what’s up?” Michael looked around his trailer at the dishes in the sink, the clothes thrown everywhere, the papers covering the counters; he had really let it go the past week or two. But Alex’s eyes were only on him. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Alex said sincerely. “After last night…”

Michael sighed, letting his head fall back. Then he straightened the rumpled sheets and asked, “Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Alex smiled as he sat on the bed, turning to give Michael his undivided attention, their knees touching lightly.

And they did talk, for hours and hours late into the night and until the morning sun came up. There were raised voices and tears, there was laughter and reminiscing. But most of all, there was healing. Alex left to get ready for work that morning but promised he would be back that night, Michael not having one doubt that he would be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I was thisclose to scraping this about a dozen times and I'm not happy with it, but I love Isobel and Michael and even if this isn't the best representation the world needs more of them. 
> 
> Tumblr: [ theviewofmylife ](https://theviewofmylife.tumblr.com/)


End file.
